STRIVING FOR UNITY

We are One

2009-10-02T20:36:00.000-06:00

I was reading a book about mothering and it was mentioning the idea that some people have today regarding babies and their mothers. Many people have the idea that the babies are going to have to get used to mom not being there, because “he cant be with mom forever” or “mom cant always help you” or some other thing about how you are on your own in this world and need to learn to do things yourself and cant depend on others. I then came to the realization that we really aren’t alone in this world. That we really are together with others!

First, when a baby is young, he really is dependent on the mother. He really is part of her. While the child is young, he definitely lives in a world where the mother is always there. In Max’s case for example, I am always there. And there is no point in making him learn to go to sleep alone or be ok without me because while he is so young, he does need a caretaker at all times. He still needs me there. And there is nothing stopping me from being there. And by the time he is older, he will not need me anymore in the same way. But we always need a family, and I will always be there for him just as my parents are always there for me and Joel’s family is there for us too. We are certainly not alone. When you are young, then you do have someone there always, and then when you are older, your family should still be close and loving and helpful – you aren’t all alone and others do care for you.

Then when you get married, you and your husband become one. In which case, you aren’t living the lives of two separate people, but as a unit.

I have learned that I was trained to do Joel’s job, I went to school and value everything work and academic related. I was praised for making good grades, meeting deadlines, writing good papers, making good points in class, etc… All the other stuff, like bills, laundry, cleaning, etc… were at the back of my mind, and something I wished I didn’t have to deal with. Also something I didn’t have much time for while I was totally focused on the many things involved in my schooling.

It has certainly been a process in learning about motherhood, being a wife and specifically learning to value these important jobs, tasks, and responsibilities of the home and family. We are definitely not trained to value these things. But I am seeing now how vital a good home is to everyone’s happiness.

I realize now that Joel’s job is definitely to be valued, just as I learned, but that my jobs are to be valued too. And that is because they go together. When I was in school, I had to do all the jobs, and so did Joel. And I didn’t do them very well (place was never cleaned, didn’t cook good foods, late a lot on making calls to things like insurance or credit cards). So now that we are married and have a family, we are one, so it makes sense to split up the jobs. Since I don’t have all these deadlines, and students, and teaching responsibilities, then I do have the ability to focus on all the home stuff. Keeping things clean, keeping up with our money, doing laundry, cooking and generally taking care of Max. And taking care of Joel. I have learned the value to these jobs because they make life so much less stressful. There is so much more time for doing things that we love. And we feel happy and together. We feel like we cant live without each other. we both think, what would I do without you. He makes it so I can stay at home, because Max and I are one, and I make it so that Joel can go to work because Joel and I are one. So it’s great!

I realized that it is hard to do everything alone, but that when you join with a partner in marriage, you aren’t alone. You now have your family and both extended families to care for everyone.

I feel like one feminist idea today is to realize how separate we are, and I think that is leading us in the wrong direction. Because we are one – one with our babies, one with our husbands! We don’t need “time away” or “time off” or “alone time”.

So I am teaching max that he lives in a world where he is loved, cared for and part of a family. He has his mom and dad, and so many wonderful family members on both sides. Then as he gets older, we will always be there for him, and he will marry too. Then he and his wife can take care of each other and their children. In this case, you don’t have to be prepared for being alone because this life isn’t a lonely place!

First Year Of Being Parents

2009-08-30T15:15:00.000-06:00

I haven’t blogged once about our marriage since Max’s birth. Things change when you have a baby. I always feel the desire to write about everything up to now, but that would take longer than I have time for, so here are a few thoughts about our first year with our first baby.

The birth was an amazing experience for us both, we both felt closer than we ever felt before. The few weeks after the birth were good, but we also started to have different roles and experiences. I laid in bed all day, breastfed, stayed home for 3 months, had all kinds of hormones, changes and feelings, felt the ups and downs, was trying to get used to my body, and wasn’t stressed but did have to go hours at a time without eating or peeing while I was home alone with the baby who was sleeping on my breast. Joel on the other hand, experienced a bunch of things to do at first, diapers, diapers, and more diapers, and had to get used to dealing with me and the baby, but didn’t have all the experiences of sleep deprivation and not getting to pee when he wanted to. He had to run all the errands (since me and the baby stayed home for the first 3 months) and he went to work. We tried to keep talking and sharing our experiences to stay connected even though we were going through different things.

The first few months got progressively harder, there were many times of us arguing or getting disconnected. We realized a few things that helped us work through our problems. For one, we didn’t touch much anymore, so we tried to work on touching more. We also just found that we both had very little time to sit around and do whatever we wanted, like watch movies, blog, read a book, etc… It was certainly an adjustment, but a good one since we loved the baby so much and we loved each other. I am so thankful that I married Joel since everything is so different now. My body is so different than before, and sex isn’t something that I am interested in and that makes me happy that our relationship doesn’t just revolve around looks or sex. Joel makes me feel like a beautiful person and makes me appreciate the changes that becoming a mother brings. I also had a lot of working through ideas regarding valuing what I do by staying at home. Joel has been a wonderful supporter of that too. I know that when I am doing is important and valuable, but I can get caught up in the current worldy values and forget sometimes. I am happy to become a mother because I feel like the experience does make you see so many things that you don’t see when you aren’t a parent. I feel like Joel and I have a more mature relationship with each other and we spend our time a little better and we think about important things more. Having a baby has helped us to not be so selfish. It also brings us more in a community, everyone seems to enjoy babies!

I feel like we have come a long way now, my ideas about so many things have completely changed, and my relationship with Joel has gotten stronger. I now cant fathom being apart from Joel. Thanks Max for making us better people! I cant imagine having a second baby right now though! I will have to watch how Steph does it since she is just about to have her second baby, then maybe I will feel like we can do it too! (we still want to have many children, and we will, I just cant imagine it! Haha)

"I'm Not Picky Today"

2008-06-23T17:39:00.002-06:00

I am definitely pretty particular about some things, and it has been fun discovering what I am picky about. Since we have gotten married, we discovered that I don't like the way Joel pours the milk in my cereal: he usually pours too much and I don't like soggy cereal (unlike him), so I like there to be a lot of the cereal sticking out of the milk. So I'll ask him to pour me some cereal please, and then when he does, I don't like it!! Other things we have discovered are: the way he makes my protein smoothies. I don't really like the taste of the protein in smoothies, but eat them for the protein of course. So when I make a smoothie, I make it really small and thick. This is hard for Joel to make because it is really hard to mix it all up since it is so thick and it would be so much easier if I would just pour more liquid in there. So when Joel has made me smoothies before, I am pretty much never satisfied with it (they always have too much liquid). I like it so thick because it means I only have to consume a half a glass instead of a whole glass but get the same amount of protein.

Given that I am picky, I have finally quit asking him to make my things that I am particular about. But something funny happened lately. I asked Joel, "Will you make me some toast please?" (He was making some for himself.) Then he said something about how he might have messed one up, and I said, "Don't worry, today I am in a rare mood - I am not picky today!" And so I waited at the table while he made me some toast, and when he brought it to me, I looked at it and laughed. "Joel, I am sorry, but when I said I wasn't in a picky mood, I didn't even think you would give me this." Basically, when I saw Joel's toast, it looked yummy with butter on it, so I wanted toast and butter, and didn't think that could be messed up. But Joel wasn't finished making his toast when I saw it, he had put raspberry jelly on top (the sugar free kind with splenda). So I didn't even consider he would put the jelly on for me, but he didn't consider not to put the jelly on, because he thought I wanted toast like he was having it. So he had to eat 4 pieces of toast and make me another one, with only butter! He was like, here I was thinking this was such a rare event, wow, Melissa isn't picky, almost thinking can this be true? But I guess it can't be true!

Then just the next day, I asked him to "do my tea for me" and by that I meant only that I wanted him to remove the tea bag from the cup, I don't like doing it because it is hot and Joel doesn't seem to mind it as much. And I was planning on adding my own sugar and creamer because I like to put real sugar in mine and Joel likes to use splenda. But he took "do my tea" to mean take out the tea bag and put in creamer and splenda. So when he hands me my tea, I was like "Oh...well...Um, never mind, this is great! Thanks!" Because I feel bad for being so picky all the time!! But we laughed about it. And it is true that these last two occasions were more of communication problems. I have a picture in my head of what or how I want him to do something but I say it in such a way that you can hardly blame him for doing it the way he did it.

Cleaning Up Books Is A Dangerous Endeavor

2008-06-16T06:51:00.002-06:00

As you might know, both Joel & I love books! We were moving the furniture around in our room, and one was a bookshelf. So we took all the books off, and moved the shelf, and then needed to put all the books back on the shelf. We were trying to get this done in a timely fashion, since we have a lot to do, but Joel says, "Oh, this is a dangerous project." And literally, it wasn't more than 3 minutes until we both had books open, in hand, sitting down!!! The part that made me laugh so much was that we didn't do this as a joke or to prove the point, we both genuinely became interested in a book we were supposed to be putting on the shelf!! And we both quit working! Since Joel is really the one in charge of the bookshelf move, I looked up from my book, said, "Get back to work!" and then put my head back in my book! He laughed and made me put up my book before he would do the same! We did finish our rearranging in the room, but it was funny, and true about how with us, cleaning up books is a dangerous endeavor!

Attachment Marriaging

2008-04-21T11:02:00.002-06:00

I have been reading about attachment parenting since we are preparing to have our first baby. In general, I agree with a lot of the ideas, because I agree with the parenting philosophy behind it all that you don’t need experts to tell you things about parenting. Parenting “experts” have all kinds of misguided views, for example many are concerned with teaching you how not to spoil your baby or how to not let the baby take control of you or manipulate you. However, I don’t want to talk about parenting here. I want to talk about marriage. Joel & I have created the joke that we are practicing attachment marriaging because we like to be together all the time and do things together. Many people today think it is smarter to have your own separate bank accounts so that no one person, usually the man who makes all the money, will control the relationship. That might be necessary for some people, but not for Joel and me. We share it all and don’t have trouble with one person controlling the whole financial situation. We can talk honestly about wanting to buy things, and we help each other to not spend so much money on things we don’t need and to keep our whole financial picture in mind.

Anyway, so Joel likes his laundry done twice a week, and somehow I have really not taken part in making that happen. Even though we agreed that I am to do the primary cooking and cleaning, I just don’t seem to ever do the laundry. But now that we just had a baby shower, we had two whole loads of laundry that needed to be done for the baby. And I was so excited about it. I was like, Joel, do you have any laundry you need done? He was like Yes! And I happily did the laundry because I was excited to be washing the baby’s clothes. And while folding, Joel folded his and I folded the baby’s. I was telling Joel how much I loved doing the laundry for the baby, and how it reminded me of the first time I did my own laundry when I was younger and how I felt so grown up. And now with washing the baby’s clothes, I feel like I am growing up again. And then I realized, wouldn’t it be nice if I felt that way about doing Joel’s laundry? How much better would it be if I felt like, wow, I am doing my husband’s laundry, I am growing up! And this is going to make him happy and look nice and not be stressed about what to wear, etc… No, somehow I have protected myself against those thoughts. I think from the beginning, I have been worried about being taken advantage of. I was worried about Joel using me, or not being fair, or leaving me to all the unintellectual work. And I realize now that that is just what I am against with all the current parenting experts. I think their advice to me to protect myself from my baby’s manipulations would really keep me from really being attached to my baby. And I feel like with all the advice or worried I have about being married and not letting Joel take advantage of me has gotten in the way of our relationship.

There are some differences from parenting and being married. For one, adults are able to manipulate each other, and also Joel and I certainly do love each other, so its not like we have a big strain in our marriage. We are definitely attached. But I just realized that it would be good to work more on allowing myself to have the attitude of happily doing things for Joel because it does make our lives better and our relationship stronger. Some people really need to worry about being taken advantage of, but I am not married to “some people”. I am married to Joel, and I have definitely seen that he isn’t out to take advantage of me. And he only wants laundry done twice a week because he runs out of clean clothes and needs them for school. I know how stressed he is with school, and it really isn’t hard to do laundry so why don’t I do it? And why don’t I enjoy doing it? I think a part of me gets caught up in the idea that I am very smart and could be “working” so sometimes it is a challenge to feel like I am not wasting my good brain on being a housewife. But it is really important to sort through these feelings, because honestly, if I were working, I would have to do all kinds of things that I don’t want to do either. Such as paperwork, meetings, dealing with problems that arise, it wouldn’t all be fun and stimulating. There are certainly a lot of hoops you have to jump through. Joel had a lot of stress putting together the 16 applications that he sent out this semester for a full time position. That certainly took a lot of time, and he had to write various essays or answer questions and fill out forms and order papers, and have it all out by a deadline, and in the end, he didn’t end up getting any of those jobs. So his work was certainly thankless in some sense. Whereas, when I do the laundry, I get to see Joel’s smiling face or get to enjoy an absence of his extra stress in the morning when needing clothes. Housework is not always a thankless job. Maybe Joel won’t say thanks every time I do the laundry, but while I am doing the act of laundering, I know that someone has to do it, and I am making our lives better. I feel much better about doing our laundry than I do about filling out applications, I definitely hate those things. And it is not true that all I do is work anyways, sometimes I spend many hours on housework a day, and other times I don’t. But I have a lot of time to pursue my intellectual interests. And I have had a lot of time to read about and prepare for birth and parenting, by doing fun projects, meeting people, and reading. And I have the big and definitely fun job of preparing to teach our children in homeschool. That to me is the ultimate intellectual stimulation because I get to teach without all the aspects of the school system that I despise.

In conclusion, I have realized that I want to redirect my thoughts, actions and attitude towards attachment marriageing. I know that it will really benefit Joel & me and enrich our relationship.

Projects

2008-04-21T11:02:00.001-06:00

Lately, Joel & I have been doing a few projects to prepare for the baby. We have come to a realization about our different working styles. Here is how things went with trying to make a stuffed animal for the baby.

We decided a few weeks ago to each make a stuffed animal for the baby. I chose that I wanted to make a cat pretty quickly, and Joel wasn’t totally sure what he wanted to make. So he researched stuffed animals online while I thought about how I wanted the cat to go. Then he decided he would make a snake to start off with, mostly because it would be a easier project to begin with. So step one complete, it took me about 2 seconds to decide my animal and no research, it took Joel a few hours of research to come up with his.

Then we went to the fabric store. At Wal-Mart, they didn’t have a great selection, and I hadn’t really thought a lot about what color I wanted to make the cat. I looked around at the colors, textures and prices, and decided that I liked this bright green receiving blanket material. It was soft and made for kids and looked good. Joel didn’t have as much luck the first time around because he was looking for felt, and they didn’t have a good selection of felt. He had decided he wanted to make a coral snake, so he needed black, red and yellow. I don’t think they had more than one of those in felt. We asked and heard that there was a Hancock’s Fabric close by. So we decided to go there for his material. I purchased a yard of fabric and Joel left empty handed. So step two complete for me, I didn’t have a specific thing in mind and was flexible about what I would make it out of (putting more emphasis on the wanting to make it today rather than on what exactly it will look like).

As it turns out, that day Joel was unable to make it to the fabric store because we came home, ate and then it was already time for him to go to Mass. So I dropped him off and went to the fabric store since it was right across from his church. They certainly had a huge selection there, but I couldn’t buy anything for Joel because I knew he would need to see it himself.

Later that day, I got started on making the cat while Joel did some more research online for what he wanted the snake to look like. Joel said, don’t you want to look up online a pattern or how you will make it? I said no, I can put it together in my head. Who needs a pattern! So I did some thinking for how to cut it and put it together, and got working. So step three for me, I began the process of actually making the animal.

Two days later, I was finished with the stuffed animal. So final step – complete!

I do have an advantage over Joel because he is busy during the weeks with his 5 classes, so he doesn’t have a lot of time to devote to making the stuffed animal. That is certainly one thing that contributed to his not getting to the fabric store until the next weekend.

We went to the fabric store and Joel didn’t find anything he really liked there. The prices were a lot more than Wal-Mart and he still didn’t find the felt he was looking for. So no snake this week.

The next week, he went to the Wal-Mart that is 40 minutes from us near a campus he teaches at. I don’t remember if he ended up buying fabric there. But I know that by the end of that week, he had decided to switch to flannel and he was able to get the red and the while fabric, but they didn’t have black. Luckily, we went to visit my parents in another city, and the Wal-Mart there had black. So finally, two weeks later, Step 2 of gathering materials is complete for Joel.

Then the next weekend, which was just yesterday, he began step three of making the snake. He wanted to use the sewing machine rather than to hand sew it like I had done. He wanted more even and nice looking stitches. I just enjoy making things by hand, and while he worked on the snake, I put together a heart shaped pin cushion. Joel looked online a little more for how he wanted to make it, and then he began the process. In just a few hours, the snake was almost complete. He had put together the whole body, and it looked great! All that is lacking is a head and the snake needed to be stuffed. Since the snake is so long, we need to buy a stick from Wal-Mart to push the stuffing way down. But as today is Monday, he won’t be able to finish it until next weekend.

So first observation is the time difference, Joel takes significantly longer to make a project than me. Even when you account for his teaching days, he still takes longer because he puts more time planning it, he wants it to be perfect and he takes his time getting started because he doesn’t want to make mistakes. I on the other hand, just jump right in, and get it done. We knew this about each other while we were in school because I would spend 4 to 8 hours writing a paper, and would complete the rough draft in one long go, where Joel on the other hand would sit for 4 to 8 hours in front of his computer ending in only a paragraph at most. If you watch him, he would begin to write a sentence, and then rewrite it, and then write five versions of it and then think on it for a while, and after an hour he might have decided on how he wanted that sentence to go. It drove me crazy watching him!! He was never late on a paper though, and always started early. And once his rough draft was complete, there was very little he needed to change to make it a final. He writes almost perfectly the first time! Unlike me, once my rough draft is complete, then I have about 2 to 3 major revisions just to catch all the grammar mistakes I made.

We know that just ultimately my way nor his is truly better, because they both have their strong and weak points. For my way, I get things done, and am less stressed about it and in the case of the stuffed animal, there are mistakes which I think add character and make it cute, but Joel & I both agree the stuffed animal looks great! For Joel, he will never finish too soon from the date he started, and he does stress out about it more. But we definitely both agree that his final projects turn out wonderfully as well, and with very little mistakes.

This has been important for us to realize about each other, because I always want us to do a project together and to finish it. Like when we plan to start a painting at the same time, but he is “researching” all up to the time I am done painting. And I get frustrated about it because I want to be painting with him, but he ends up painting a few days later! But I don’t know why I get so frustrated about it. I just need to recognize that about him and give him the time he needs. Because his art work is definitely beautiful!

But another aspect of the whole thing that I haven’t yet written about is what happens if we try to do a project together rather than doing separate projects. Yesterday, after Joel made his snake, we began making a sling together. Already at the beginning, I was ready to cut and sew, to get into it, and Joel needed more time to understand the project and what we were doing. He kept getting frustrated with my attitude for wanting to get going, and I got upset at his attitude for thinking we were going to ruin the whole thing by not knowing what was going on and that we would waste all the fabric. But we got started, more quickly than Joel would like, and after about step 3, we discovered that there was a problem and that it wasn’t going to work. We needed to start over. Oh that was just too much for Joel, he went and laid down for a little bit, and I got frustrated because this isn’t that big of a deal. We can figure it out, make adjustments and not all will be wasted. So I started over with a new piece of fabric and Joel was watching me sew, but trying to help me. I hadn’t used a sewing machine really at all, and I was having a rough start making the seam. I wanted to do it without Joel’s hands there so that I could learn but he didn’t like watching all the mistakes I was making in it. So he cut it off, and helped me sew a new seam. But when we picked that sling up, we realized that it is too long, and the one we made before was too short. Joel just couldn’t take it. We were a little unhappy with each other for a while, then he went to Mass, and I said I looked forward to seeing him come home in a good mood. While he was gone, I cut some fabric to add to the shorter one. I had to rip the seam we made, sew on the added parts and then join it all together again. I had music on, felt happy and relaxed and enjoyed making it. The seams weren’t perfect, but they were pretty good and I definitely got a hang of using the sewing machine. When Joel got back, he was happy with how it looked and we both tried it on and took photos. We had a short talk about how we are different, and how things work out great both ways of doing things but how we both cant stand to do it each other’s ways. So we agreed to never do a joint project basically. But its fun when you both produce something and you can see the differences in style and work.

Good Intentions

2008-02-19T10:36:00.003-06:00

I don't like to do the laundry very often - maybe once a month - but Joel would like it done twice a week, so usually he ends up doing the laundry. This seems to stress him out a lot since we have to do laundry in the laundry facility in our apartment. So last night, while he was gone teaching, I decided to do the laundry so that he wouldn't be stressed out. I knew he would be happy and surprised. I started at about 8:00pm and I thought I would be done before 10, which is when I expected Joel to be home. As it turns out, I put one of our loads of laundry in the "slow" one without knowing it. But there was a nice, talkative woman in the laundry room as well, so I was just doing the laundry and waiting for it while talking to her. Then before I knew it Joel comes in and he is like "I can't believe you are here, I came home and couldn't find you and you are always home when I come home so I thought the worst. I thought you had gotten hurt and went to the hospital by ambulance. I didn't know what to do and where to go." He said, "When I saw you weren't there, my thoughts didn't go to a normal conclusion, like maybe she is washing clothes, but instead they went to the morgue!" Poor Joel!! I was trying to do his laundry to save him time and not stress him, because I knew he has a lot of papers to grade tonight and applications to fill out and as it turns out I ended up scaring him for a while anyways! But after it was all over, as we were going to sleep he said that he is really happy that I did the laundry because it does help him out. So it wasn't for nothing. Next time, I will leave him a note, even if I think that I will be back before him. (I think it's nice how overly concerned he is especially now that I am pregnant, although I do feel bad that it scared him)

Leave Your Father and Mother and Cling to Your Husband

2008-02-18T18:07:00.003-06:00

At various times I think about the idea of leaving your mother and father and clinging to your husband. I think this is an area where our age difference comes into play. I found it almost impossible at the thought of not being with my family at Christmas since I have never missed a year. But this is a problem because that would mean I am never willing to go to Joel's family's house at Christmas. And I sometimes leave Joel since he has to stay home due to work, to go to visit my family since they are only 2 hours away. But more and more I am realizing that I am married now and that it does mean that things are changing now. My older sister Steph is realizing this now as well since she lives 12 hours away and has a baby. This was the first year that she was unable to make it home for Christmas. I think it is a sad time for all of us since we are a close family to go through this because it is definitely a transitioning time. Lindsay is about to graduate college this May, and so everyone is going through big changes. It makes it a little harder since we have a 12 year old sister Tori who is home and wanting us to be able to visit and be home like normal. More and more I am understanding that things do change, and that this is part of growing up. And how fast the time went! I think in general, I will always see members of my family often since we are so close and really want to stay in contact. But there will definitely be changes over the next years to come too. I saw how it was for Joel to miss out on visiting his family this Christmas, and it made me realize that we will definitely see his family on some Christmases too. It is not always easy to leave your family and make your own family, but it is part of life. Luckily we both love both of our families very much and we want to be able to see them often and have them be able to get to meet the new members of our family every time we have children. We will just have to take things one holiday at a time and it will all get worked out.

Wedding Ring

2008-02-18T18:00:00.002-06:00

For months now Joel has been without his wedding ring because he lost it somewhere in the house. I found it today while going through a stack of receipts that we had put in a box to go through later! I had been meaning to post something here recently, but since Joel finally gets to wear his wedding ring now, I figured I should finally get to updating this blog again too!! I am not sure if I am going to keep up this blog after the baby is born, we will see. But for now, things are going great with us. We are both excited because Joel's church is having a retreat for married couples at the end of May. We really had such a great time at the Engaged Encounter retreat that we attended before we got married, so we are looking forward to having a similar experience. I am also glad for the retreat because it gives us a few days to focus on our marriage and each other. We are also excited at the though that I will be very pregnant at the time as well! (the retreat center is only a few exits down the highway from our house, on the way to the birthing center, so it won't be like going out of town or anything) I think it will give us some help in remembering each other when the baby is born. They offer these marriage retreats every year, so if we have another good time, then we want to try to go every year. But that is a few months away, so I am going to try to post on here more often in order to keep reflecting on our relationship in the mean time.

Joel is the best husband for a pregnant woman!

2007-12-18T21:26:00.001-06:00

I recall when Joel and I were dating and we first began talking about having kids. We discovered through talking about it that we wanted to have a large family. As I have mentioned a few times, our dating relationship wasn’t always stable and when we would break up or be unhappy with each other, I would always be a little sad at the thought of not having a family with Joel. I know he said while I was in Pittsburgh and we weren’t talking for a little while, that he felt like if I were to get married and have kids with someone else that he would feel like he really missed out on that. And I remember sometime in college when I was walking and thinking about Joel and how I didn’t want us to separate because I know he would make such a great partner when I would be pregnant. I could just tell by the way he talked about pregnancy and by the way he had taken care of me when I was sick.

Needless to say, both of us are definitely overjoyed to be married to each other and to be beginning that large, loving family that we fantasized about together. And since I am pregnant, Joel has proved to be just how I thought he would be. He helps try to remind me to take my vitamins, and helps encourage me to eat when I don’t like the taste of anything. But he is also very patient with me when I take forever to decide what to eat. He loves hearing about and noticing every little change. He started talking to my stomach before our baby even had ears! He doesn’t get mad when I sleep all day and he makes sure to take time out to take me to the park when I want to. (I love the park close by because it has a fun swing) And he does a wonderful job of still making me feel beautiful when I wear nothing but sweat pants and don’t shower for days. He just loves me and loves that we are pregnant and I love him too!

New Technique

2007-12-05T09:20:00.000-06:00

When Joel & I can't work something out by words, or when talking seems to make things more confusing and worse - we just be quiet and hug!

In the past I would never do this because I always put such an emphasis on working things out verbally. I think that talking things out is important and essential to working certain issues out. However, sometimes you need to let things go, let them be, or realize that talking isn't going to bring you closer, so you just physically get closer.

Sometimes by becoming physically close, we are better able to stay close with our words after that.

Stubbornness

2007-11-03T12:32:00.001-06:00

It started off as a normal car ride. Joel & I were driving to the night class he teaches which is 40 miles away. I like to accompany him sometimes because it gives us more time together and I enjoy working on reading or writing in the library at the school. I was getting a little cold, and would turn the air off. But Joel was kind of warm, so he would quickly turn it back on. So then I had an idea to close my vents and turn the air on full blast. I said, “There, now you can have all the cold you want!” (I was joking and expected him to turn it off). I also picked up my sweater and put it over me, so that the cold would not effect me. Joel, however, didn’t turn off the air, he wanted to show that he could handle what I dished out. So he pretends like he is just fine. And I pretend like I am just fine. But then Joel starts to get pretty cold, and his cold hand starts to pull at my sweater, saying, “Oh what’s this…” trying to pull it off me so that I will not be able to stand the air either. He kept trying to get my sweater, and I jokingly accused him of using lowly tactics, and therefore that I was winning. He said, no I wasn’t winning, that he was winning because he was able to stand it. And I said he could hardly stand it because he was trying to take my sweater away! We are still both in a joking spirit, but are stubborn at the same time. So then he starts saying that it is ethical of me to turn it off because I am the one responsible for turning it on HI. He kept saying this silly argument about how I should feel bad for making my husband cold and that since I was the one who turned it on, then it was my responsibility to turn it off and that it had nothing to do with winning or losing, but that it was my responsibility. I wasn’t buying it. I knew if I turned it off, then I would lose, and I knew he was being silly in trying to get himself to win. And so we drive on jokingly arguing, with me saying how silly his argument is and that I don’t buy it, and with him continuing to try to convince me of my moral duty. Then once we are finally close to the school, he changes his tune. He says that he had convinced himself about how it was my moral responsibility, but he now sees that he was full of it, and that he can handle it. Since the end was in sight, he gained the energy to make it to the end. He was really cold by then, and I wasn’t doing as bad as him, but my hair was freezing and felt really cold on my head, neck and face. So he begins to tell me how he will have won soon because he isn’t going to turn it off and that he will have demonstrated to me that he can handle what I gave him. But I explained to him that with all his trying to pull my sweater and with his trying to convince me that I needed to turn it off, then he was full of it and that I had won because he wasn’t able to handle it well. He laughingly tried to make the case that he still won, and I laughingly continued to explain why he had lost. So we finally make it to park, and we turn off the car, without either of us turning the air back to the off position. We can’t help but to joke about how silly we are being, but we also couldn’t stand the idea of giving up either. Even though we knew we were being silly, neither of us could totally give it up because we did care about winning!

So we are happy and he goes on to class and I go to the library.

Then after class, we were in a nice conversation about some art that we just looked at (it was displayed at the college) and we get in the car like normal, and he turns on the car, and the air is up on HI. At first, I don’t think about it, since we are in the middle of a conversation, so I reach to turn the air off, but then I glance at Joel’s face and he is sitting there, looking at the air, with this little half smile on his face. It suddenly occurred to me that his smile meant he thought he was going to win!!!! Then our silly game came back to me fast and I jerked my hand away from the air conditioner knob. He laughed at me saying, did you see your face, and how you jerked back. And I laughed at him saying, did you see your face and how you thought you had me! And then we found each other right back where we left off!! Neither of us was going to touch it, and it was cold! So he starts driving, and he says I am being stubborn for not turning it off, and I say how he is just as stubborn as me for not doing it either!! And we are just so ridiculous!! So finally I say, ok how about we both turn it off together. Ok? And he was hesitant, but he said ok, and we turned it off together. Whew! It’s finally over.

It was so remarkable how we both knew how silly it was, but that we still both almost couldn’t stop. I thought it was a pretty funny way of displaying something about us. We are stubborn and equally so which is why we do get into arguments and because we both want to win. Although, we don’t always think it is that we want to win, because when it is about a more serious subject, then we don’t realize how we are convincing ourselves of something just because we want to be right. We know that we are like this with games as well, because when we play mastermind, neither of us want to quit if the other person won. So we will either play game after game, or we will choose a set number of games and play only that amount. But ultimately, we can never really stop, because we both want to beat each other more, so we will play again soon to regain a winning position. It is just so silly. It is something that we can laugh about, and something that we can start to recognize more in our more serious discussions. We have definitely come a long way, and we both don’t argue like we used to. We are better at trying to ally ourselves together by trying to figure out the truth of the matter rather than thinking we already know the truth and trying to convince the other person. But as we discovered, our stubbornness is strong, and will not disappear easily. And in the end, neither of us really win.

Growing Together While Apart

2007-10-17T11:19:00.000-06:00

One thing that has remained constant from the beginning of our relationship is the fact that we grow closer while we are apart. There have been so many cases where we have been separated. For example, when I would go home for the summers, when we would take a break from our relationship due to irreconcilable differences, and just because we didn’t live at each other’s places (so when we would go home for the night and not see each other until the next day). I have so many memories of this happening. I was coming back to Lubbock, I had been gone all Summer to Fort Worth. This was the first summer since I went to college, so Joel and I had barely even begun dating yet. I had decided over the summer that I didn’t want to date Joel, so as I was returning to Lubbock, we were to just be friends. As friends, he was going to help me move in because my parents were helping my sister move in California. But the moment we saw each other, we were so excited! We smiled all big and hugged, and after we did all of the moving, we are at my favorite place at the time Olive Garden. Another time I recall this was when we would be on a break due to some argument. We would try to not see each other for a week and then get back together to discuss how we felt. When we got back together (probably didn’t even wait out the whole week), we hugged! Not planned, and not expected. And then when we argued a lot, and leave each other in the evenings due to an argument, I would come to school the next day all mad and upset with Joel, but you know what happened the first thing I saw him? I smiled! I was so mad at myself. But I couldn’t stop smiling. So I had to inform him that I was still mad at him, even though I was smiling. But that didn’t really work. I recall walking towards our classroom (we shared a graduate class one semester) and I began to smile thinking about him in there, so I turned around and went to the bathroom to get rid of my smile, because I was really upset with him, but right when I got almost to the classroom door, I smiled again. I couldn’t make the smile stop, I bit my cheek and tongue and nothing worked. So I entered with a huge smile on my face, which always makes Joel smile.

Today, this still shows up in our relationship. Yesterday, I woke up from a nap in a really grumpy mood. And Joel is under a lot of stress with his classes right now. So I was frustrated with him for a lot of little reasons, and he was feeling bad due to all the stress and then my grumpy mood. So we were a little disconnected. Then I got out to go to the grocery store while he took a nap. As it turns out, I got my hair cut before I went to the store. After getting my hair done, I really missed Joel and wanted to be with him. He agreed to come to the store with me, because he had missed me a lot too while I was gone. Usually the first thing I do when he comes home from classes is greet him excitedly. We just miss each other a lot after being apart. It has definitely kept us together through many times. How can you stay mad at someone who makes you smile no matter how you are feeling?

Reflecting on the Wedding

2007-10-07T17:22:00.001-06:00

Joel & I were having a “heated discussion” the other day while going for a walk. As we were talking, Joel asked me if I still liked him. I said that I always like him. When we were dating and having heated arguments I would wonder if I should like him, I would wonder if this would work out or if we will ever resolve our differences. But I told him that now, I never doubt us. I might get frustrated about something, but I have never regretted or worried about our commitment to each other. I also added that after such a wonderful wedding like we had, there is no way we could separate. It would just make life make no sense at all. It got us thinking about how special the wedding was to us. The wedding truly felt tremendous, it didn’t just feel like another day or like a performance. There was so much that happened. I felt so connected to my family, a new connection to his family and a significant connection to Joel. It was wonderful because so many people had helped out and participated and so many things came together so wonderfully that we could feel there was a higher presence involved in unifying us. After saying that, I felt so much better, and our “heated discussion” couldn’t continue. We both noticed that the mood had changed, and we just loved each other.

Rereading what I just wrote reminded me of when my sister, Lindsay, made a comment when we were younger that my writing was too happy and boring! I was offended of course, but it is true. When I am happy, it is pretty happy. And what I wrote above is true, so I wanted to write it. I recall not believing that the wedding was going to be the most special day of my life. I felt bogged down with all the planning and big production of it all. I was worried about the religious aspects of my family being Baptist and the wedding being in a Catholic church. I was worried about the food and how to get everything all set up, worried that we couldn’t afford most of the wedding. I just felt like it was just some big expensive production that had fallen away from some real true meaning. But all of those thoughts and worries were totally gone the day of the wedding. It was just everything everyone always says that I thought sounded silly but now realize is true. The wedding was incredible and magical, and I did feel amazing, and my family and I all cried so much and felt so strongly for each other and it meant so much to Joel and I to have our sisters and brothers in the wedding, to have so many of mine and Joel’s family attend, and all the generosity of the people who helped us pay for certain things or who worked hard to help us with everything. It was truly amazing. So I am happy to write how wonderful it was and how much it is still happily printed in our memories and that Joel and I do think about the wedding and that the thought of the wedding dispels some heated discussions we have. All the people involved really did work together to make that day special for us, and in that sense they all helped in unifying us because it is such a significant thing to have all these people send us their love and show us God’s love, and witness us joining together.

I am truly thankful for that because I recall reading in a psychology book that was studying divorce that the couples who couldn’t remember anything good about their wedding day were more likely to get divorced than those couples who would think back and recall it with love and deep emotion. It was like the memory of the wedding day helped their marriage last. Of course this is not the case for all. But it makes me so grateful for our wedding because each person who was there and who send us their love contributed in making the wedding such a wonderful event in our minds that it could be part of what keeps us together in the future, especially in today’s world of so many divorces. I don’t even know how to thank everyone for that gift, which is why I have to turn it to God because it is such a great gift that everyone is responsible for letting love work through them, but no one person is responsible for the wonderful whole that came of it.

From “Me” to “We”

2007-09-17T13:32:00.000-06:00

I am still in the newly married category, and I have realized that I need to think more about what it means to do something for “us” rather than for “me.” I think I am still viewing what I am doing, being at home, as a “me” thing. Even though I thought that I viewed it as an “us” thing. For one thing, I have been enjoying myself so much that it hardly feels like a sacrifice or work. I have loved cooking and the cleaning hasn’t been so bad yet. I am also enjoying growing and learning in my other projects as well. But I realized I that I should think about this subject more this past weekend when Joel and I tried to clean up the house together. Really, I wanted us to move in our stuff more, since we still had things that needed to “find a home” and since he has about a million boxes in our room full of books. But as we were beginning to work, I noticed Joel make a comment that seemed so cliché, he said that he has been working all week and didn’t want to clean on Friday. Because he doesn’t work on Friday, so it provides him some off time. As it turns out, we did end up moving some of our stuff around, which I think is good. Joel and I haven’t totally moved in, and we do need to continue to put things away so that we don’t have boxes in the room anymore. But I realized that he really has been working all week and have I? Yes, I have been working too, at home. But I remembered that part of my working at home is to take care of cleaning and putting things away so that he doesn’t have those jobs at home on top of his teaching. I realized that we were a team, I don’t have to prepare for classes, turn in paper work, grade papers, and create lectures. He does that. And thanks to him doing that, I have time to cook, clean, educate myself and do my crafts. It’s not so much that I realized that I should be taking care of everything and he shouldn’t lift a finger at home. But I guess I finally got it that I do want to make sure that he doesn’t have the extra stress of house stuff. He has been doing great with school, but I can tell that he can get a little stressed if he has to worry about much other than school. So I want to do a better job of thinking about us.

I know that when we have kids, I don’t want it to be where I am the only one cleaning every one’s messes, the children need to clean up after themselves. And Joel and I were talking about how we had to start with us. If we have good habits, then the children will cooperate with those habits easier. So Joel does have to pick up after himself, and he does. He does help me fill the dishwasher after eating, and he will clean up the various messes he makes. But every once in a while, maybe because I didn’t have the dishwasher emptied before we ate, then he wont do the dishes after we eat. And I think for a minute that he should be helping me with this. But then I realize, really it is ok because I have the time to do the dishes and he doesn’t. So when we have kids, and when I have less time due to having kids, then Joel might have to do a little extra work around the house. But that is how Joel & I agreed to live. We agreed to not have our roles automatically decided for us, but that instead we should do what makes sense to us in the current situation, knowing it can change when our situations change. So for now, while Joel is a new teacher and is under a lot of stress and while I am working at home without having children yet, I can pick up a lot more housework than him.

Another thing that I want to think more about is preparing for having children. And in this case, I mean preparing for teaching them. I want to prepare my soul for the attitudes I want to take towards my children, prepare my mind for the religious and educational things I want to teach them. So in this regard, Joel and I have started to read the bible daily, and I am also going to educate myself more on homeschooling. Although, first, I guess I have chosen to reread Heidegger’s book called Being & Time because Joel and I had a conversation about one of the topics, and it made me want to read it again. Basically, I want to keep “us” in mind again, though. I want to be sure that the things I am making time for at home are primarily things for us. Preparing for homeschool is something that we as parents need to do if we are serious about it. So that is definitely for us. And working on my soul is important for us too, just as Joel takes time out to work on his soul as well.

Consequently, I just want to keep working on that shift from thinking about “me” to thinking about “us.” It is all part of the process of coming together that we vowed to do.

A Glimpse of our Married Life

2007-09-15T20:45:00.000-06:00

When Joel & I were dating, pretty much the only things we would argue about would have to do with deep religious, philosophical or value beliefs. Those disagreements were ugly, difficult and challenging. We would talk for hours, and it seemed we would get paralyzed in our conversations. We would get to a point where we just didn’t agree, couldn’t see eye to eye. We simply held different views and we didn’t see how to reconcile them.

It now seems like forever since we argued like that, even though it has been a little over a year and even though we argued like that for about 3 years. In so many ways, even though it was so tough and unpleasant, we are both thankful for those discussions. We really challenged each other and grew so much. Growing hurts! But I love being able to grow with Joel. I think it showed us that we can stick together since we worked through such difficult disagreements.

During the past year, we both grew closer together and finally reconciled a lot of our differences, hence the reason we felt able to get married (to become one). We know better how to discuss our differing points of view and we also see the other’s perspective more clearly and with deeper understanding.

But now, since we have been married, we are having our first real arguments that are “normal.” I say normal because while other couples I knew were arguing over some miscommunication or “you didn’t call me” triviality, we were arguing over abortion, interpreting certain biblical passages and other issues. Before it was such a strong feeling that we had to work it out or we couldn’t continue on. We couldn’t be together if we held such opposing beliefs. We couldn’t truly become one if we were so different. And so now, I can honestly say that it is a joy to argue over these little things. If you heard us, you will probably hear Joel get frustrated and raise his voice, and me get frustrated and cry, but that lasts about 5 minutes, and then I start laughing. I am able to step back and say, you know what, I don’t really care. I don’t really care that you want to organize your files before we clean the closet together, I don’t really care that you want me to put the toilet paper roll on the holder. Everyone argues a little, and we quickly realize that we aren’t understanding each other right or that we just had different ideas of how we wanted to do something. But it is such a wonderful feeling to know, only 5 minutes into an argument that it really doesn’t matter. That this isn’t a matter that we can’t become one over. This isn’t a matter that will make me question our ethical perspectives. This is just the daily learning to live with another person, and we just need to stop our emotions and learn to see where the other person is coming from. Having those past philosophical arguments make me find joy in these trivial ones. It seems funny, but it just feels great to know that even though we disagreed, that it doesn’t matter and we can work it out easily. And even if we really disagreed on which room we should start cleaning first, we can agree to disagree and begin cleaning separately. So I am just enjoying having little arguments, that are easy to work out and that bring us closer.

Oh the blisses of our married life.

Sun Rise, Sun Set

2007-09-09T12:37:00.000-06:00

There are many things in life that we have to do over and over again, pretty much until we die. Some are: cooking, cleaning: house, ourselves, pets, cars, etc…, filling the car with gas, eating, sleeping, waking, exercising, resting, smiling, crying, praying, making decisions, figuring out where to go and what to do, learning, growing, changing, and I am sure there is much more.

A few years ago, I first thought about this daily repetition when I was taking an existentialism class. The existentialists I was reading were pointing out that you are never “finished”, “a good person”, “being” – that instead you are always continuing on, striving to be good, and becoming. It doesn’t matter how many nice things you do, you can lose it all by never doing any thing nice again or by doing something horrible. You have to constantly be making choices that will define who you are.

When I thought about this concept, I really liked it. It seemed true to me, I do have to continue on, I am not finished. And I see many people who think that they are great just as they are, that they have already established themselves as “good” or “smart” and they don’t continue progressing. And just like a car, the less you use it, the less it will work. So the “smart” person who doesn’t continue to learn will eventually be surpassed by those who are continuing to learn.

But you have to really think about what is worth striving for. Do you really want to spend your time striving to be so thin, to be rich, to be seen as attractive by so many people? You have to think about what is worth striving for.

Striving takes energy, a lot of it. Relentless energy. You have to keep eating, every day, whether you feel like making food or not. If you don’t then you will suffer the consequences. The same goes with your mind and soul. They need to grow and learn, and if you don’t feel your mind or your soul, you will become deficient in some way.

These are somewhat old thoughts to me, today’s more recent thoughts have to do with cleaning. I was doing such a great job of keeping the house clean, but I wasn’t doing much else. Recently, I stopped cleaning so much and did a lot of work on my blogs and thank you cards from the wedding, among other things. And now I feel accomplished in those areas, but the apartment is quickly needing attention. This is why I like to schedule. Because it is the best way I can deal with the things that must be done daily, over and over again.

I thought back to existentialism because I recalled being joyous in the idea of constantly growing and striving. I really enjoyed giving a lot of energy to learning, reading, writing, working out and eating. And daily constant things are a nice part of life. They are the part that is the same but different. That keeps things familiar enough for me to be comfortable with, but different enough to not get bored. So instead of letting this cleaning get me down, I want to recall the joy there can be found in constant striving. There can be joy in constant cleaning. Because work always has to be done, but I can reflect on why I am cleaning. I want a happy, healthy, inviting home. One that can welcome people in without worrying about the mess. One that is full of nice smells from cooking. A home that makes you feel comfortable and happy. This is certainly a goal worth striving for daily. And even though I will clean it perfectly once, doesn’t mean it will stay like that. I have to keep it up.

To me it seems like many people view the endlessness of tasks and the constancy of life to be boring and weighs them down. They seem to want action, change, something more. They don’t want to be stuck in a rut. And some feel meaningless. Like the Bright Eyes song where he says the sun rises and the sun sets, from a cradle to a casket, its always the same thing. So the sun comes up and goes down, daily, humans are born and die daily, and its all meaningless. Well, that’s not the way I view it. The amazing things in life aren’t so much found on the outside. When you look at it, it might seem like humans are born and die every day and the sun comes up no matter what, so who cares. But really, the most spiritual, peaceful, wonderful, exciting parts of life happen on the inside. They have to do with the way you face the world. It is true that there are always tragedies happening and wonderful things too, and that there is always laundry to do, but what I think is interesting is how different people can be so happy and so unhappy doing the same activities.

It seems to me that humans are made to do things over and over. Because each time I do those things, I feel myself growing in some way or another. And good things usually come of doing those daily things. It is interesting, but the more energy you spend, the more you will have. I only get bogged down when I don’t think about it. I can’t escape it. I can’t move away, get a different job, go somewhere else. I will always have to do things over and over. If I want to love life, the answer is not going to be found getting away from these daily things, but by accepting and finding joy in those things. So the sun rises, and the sun sets and I am ok with that.

Natural Family Planning or any other Natural Fertility Method

2007-09-08T22:16:00.000-06:00

This post is mainly in response to a comment that was left on my recent post. I have looked into the natural fertility planning, it has many different titles depending on who is teaching it. As far as I know, Catholics call it Natural Family Planning, and I have also heard it called Natural Fertility, and now Fertility Awareness Method. No matter what you call it, the method described basically refers to being aware of how a female body works, specifically how her ovulation and menstruation works. After reading many books on it, I am amazed just how little I knew about my body! I truly believe that every girl should be taught the things in these books because to me it isn't a religious thing or anything other than a female thing. We claim to have "health" classes in which we are supposed to learn about our bodies, well I discovered that we learn almost nothing. So I definitely think all girls should be informed about how their bodies work and should talk about the changes they are going through. Rather than be confused, mystified and maybe even scared and grossed out.

I also liked the ideas that most of those books generally advocate, which is that when a man and a woman are having sex, they should just pay attention to the woman's body and work with her cycle, rather than trying to control or change it. I liked this idea because I didn't want to get on birth control pills, and mess with my hormones and deal with side effects or any other thing involved with taking such drugs. But that could be said to be easy for me to say. I know many women with irregular, painful and prolonged periods. I will not claim to know what is best for everyone. But for my body, the natural fertility awareness changed how I looked at my body.

However, just because I can chart my cycle and know when I am ovulating doesn't mean that I can be in control of all the factors involved. And that's what I discovered recently. I thought I would get pregnant the first time because I knew when I was supposed to be ovulating. But I did just have a wedding, with a lot of stress, and I have been moving around, and not eating consistently. And I definitely believe another factor that plays into it is the stressing out over wanting to get pregnant. And so even though I have read about the natural family planning method, I haven't gotten pregnant yet because there is a lot to my body. But thatis just how life is, you can't control or understand it all. Part of life is just enjoying it and praying. So I don't think about getting pregnant all the time. I just enjoy being married and all the other millions of interests I have. And when I am blessed with a child, I will be happy!

My New "Job"

2007-08-26T22:48:00.000-06:00

Well, I haven’t written during the month of July, but I had a good excuse, I was getting married! However, now I have almost gone the whole month of August without writing too! That’s too long.

I have learned an interesting thing about getting pregnant. If you really want to get pregnant, you might not be able to. I think there is something funny going on with my body. In my experience, I cannot choose to get pregnant, it is just going to have to happen without me trying to will it. Because last month, my wanting to be pregnant so much made me think I was pregnant, and it delayed my period! I couldn’t believe. The day I took a test, two weeks after my missed period, I thought for sure it would say yes or positive. But it was a negative. I was surprised. Then where was my period? That night, I started my period. I was only able to start my period once I realized that I wasn’t pregnant. I think I fooled my body into thinking it was pregnant. It Might sound silly, but it doesn’t matter. It’s too coincidental to me to happen to start my period two weeks late, and not start until the very day that I discovered for sure that I wasn’t pregnant. So the new plan is to not think about pregnancy at all. (notice that the title of this blog is no longer called Reflections of Pregnancy & Parenting!)

Which is easy enough. I just moved into my new place, and I have many things to do. Everyone keeps asking if I have a job or plan on getting one yet. The answer is no. It seems like there is a popular attitude that all people aren’t really contributing to the family unless they are working. I do not believe that is right. I do believe in the idea that there is a lot that needs to be done and that its not the best for my family (me and Joel) to have us both working.

I only consider getting a job when I look at our finances. They are tight. But I know it is going to be ok. I don’t want to just go out and get any job. If I work, I want to do work that I love and that I am good at. Not just be a secretary or something. But I left my career path. And the only other career path I think I might enjoy at this time would be getting a masters in philosophy and teaching as well. But that’s not what I really want. What I really want now is to turn in this new direction that I have been feeling called to go in since I was in Pittsburgh. I want to be a mom, a wife, to be at home. I want to keep the house clean, I want to cook, I love cooking actually. I want to do all that because it all is something that I can get better at and it will allow Joel and I to have a warm, happy, healthy home. This stuff I am doing takes up so much time! It is certainly a full time job. And we aren’t making money off of it. But there is more to life than money. Our quality of life is going up. We are so happy at every meal we eat. And we have a nice place to share with everyone.

And I am mainly talking about cooking and cleaning because that is all I have time do to right now. But I fully anticipate that to not take so long once I get into it more. I will find more efficient ways to do things. And once everything is in its place then it will not take long to get into a cleaning schedule where everything will run smoother and with less thought involved. My plan then is of two kinds. One I am going to be involved in continuing my education by reading various books and subjects. Mostly it will be philosophy and psychology since I have accumulated so many good books that I haven’t been able to read yet. But I also want to prepare myself to be a good homeschool teacher. I know that there are so many ways to homeschool and so many options, I want to better prepare myself for it. And when I do get pregnant, I will continue to write my thoughts about that. I also have had some ideas for possible books to write. They might never be publishable, but that is to be decided after they are written not before. So again, I don’t know if my writing, reading, thinking, cleaning, crafting, and cooking will lead to anything in terms of money. But the effect it will all have on our house, on our relationship, on me and on our children will be immeasurable. I do feel called to be home, pursuing these things. To me I feel like my presence and all the fruits of my labor will be more beneficial to my self and my family than if I were to bring in a steady amount of income as well and both Joel and I worked equally on chores and cooking.

I am not saying every woman should work at home or not have a career. But I am saying that Joel and I have come to an agreement together of how we wanted our marriage to be. What our roles and jobs would be. And this is what is working out best for us. We are both happy, both enjoying the benefits of each other’s work, and we are both working happily together to do the things the other can’t do at the same time. So am I working, yes I am working. And I am loving every minute of it, even though it is challenging and consumes a lot of energy. I think that is how Joel feels about his teaching as well.

June Special - Recipes!!

2007-06-07T20:58:00.001-06:00

I have hardly even been home for the past month! I have been on so busy that I haven’t spent much time focusing on reading about pregnancy. Especially since my wedding is approaching quickly and things need to get done. I have been continuing to work on preparing my body for pregnancy in terms of trying to eat right. It’s been very difficult to eat right since I have been all over the place and never home, and for that reason I did decide to buy some vitamins and folic acid pills. But now I am settled back down for a few fleeting weeks before the wedding, and I have been trying out all these wonderful recipes from this book I bought called The Healthy Pregnancy Cookbook by Jane Middleton and George Rapitis. I have loved the book so far and highly recommend it to everyone, not just pregnant women because the recipes are really yummy! Ask Joel!! So I have decided to just post recipes for this month, and I have tried to take pictures of the food. However, now that I am with Joel for a while, we lack the proper set up and dishes to make pretty pictures. Hopefully you can just focus on the picture of the food and imagine if you might like it or not based on the ingredients. I think that’s pretty much all I’ll be posting until after the wedding.

White Bean & Butternut Squash Soup

2007-06-07T20:38:00.000-06:00

This is one of the recipes I got from the Healthy Pregnancy Cookbook. Joel and I loved it! The ingredients inculde: butternut squash, white onion, white beans (navy beans), olive oil, thyme, garlic, spicy tomatoes, tomato paste, chicken broth, parsley and cayenne. The butternut squash was unbelievably good. It has changed my life! From now on I am going to try to eat butternut squash at least once a week! Also I have heard from Joel's mom that there have been claims that eating orange vegitables can increase your chances of twins!

Mashed Sweet Potatoes

2007-06-07T20:37:00.001-06:00

Joel really loved these potatoes, and I was really surprized at the idea of such unique and tasty potatoes! The ingredients were: sweet potatoes, white onions, chives, cream cheese, and picante sause (I added this in place of the red peppers that the recipe called for). The sweet potatoes gave it a sweet taste, and then mixed with the cream cheese and picante was just great! Definitely try this out!

Buckwheat, Bananna & Blueberry Pancakes

2007-06-07T20:35:00.002-06:00

I had posted the buckwheat pancakes before, but I knew many people wouldn't love them because they definitely had a wheat taste to them and they weren't very sweet. It didn't help that I didn't have eggs at the time nor that Joel wanted to buy the reduced sugar syrup. However, now with the addition of banannas and blueberries, ANY pancake recipie is going to taste amazing! So this is a great recipe for people who would like to be healthy like having wheat pancakes, but who don't want a bad or "not great" taste. These are good! It even tastes good with the reduced sugar syrup! The ingredients for our pancakes were: buckwheat pancake mix, milled flaxseed, mashed banannas, and blueberries.

Cream of Mushroom Chicken

2007-06-07T20:35:00.001-06:00

This food idea I kind of got from both my mom and my dad. My mom had used cream of mushroom before many times in things she cooked while I was growing up, and it makes chicken and potatoes very yummy! Also my dad showed my the error of my ways by cooking the juiciest, tenderest chicken ever. I realized then that I cooked pretty dry chicken. But not anymore! So this way of cooking chicken is an easy way to get a nice flavored chicken. I just used chicken, white and green onions, and cream of chicken.

Sausage Soup & German Dark Wheat Bread

2007-06-07T20:20:00.000-06:00

This is a recipe I am really proud of! I feel like it is German inspired, since I got the idea from my trip in Germany although I didn't learn this recipe, I made it up! It included: lentils, brown rice, sausage, carrots, white and green onions, and tomatoe paste. I made this more than a month ago, and so I can't remember perfectly if that is everything that went into it. I just know that we were trying to buy hot dog weenies, but I didn't feel they were healthy, so then we stumbled upon these sausages, and I tried to eat them like hot dogs, but they didn't taste good like that so then somehow I came up with that soup. It was really good! And definitely reminded me of a soup I ate while in Germany. The bread along with it was called German Dark Wheat bread, although you can't see anything with all the butter Joel put on it!! But it was definitely a very tasty meal. If you want a taste of Germany, make this! And you have to toast the bread, becasue they only eat hard bread in Germany!

Spinach & Lentil Soup

2007-06-07T20:19:00.001-06:00

This recipe I also got from the cookbook and honestly, it wasn't amazing. I felt like it lacked a flavor that I couldn't identify. However, I will probably make it again simply because it is so good for me. Lentils and spinach are both good sources of folate. And the soup wasn't bad, I am pretty picky and when its bad, then I can't eat it. But I was able to eat this, so it was just ok, but not amazing. The ingredients include: spinach, lentils, white onion, garlic, indian seasoning (coriander and cumin), tomatoes (I added that to the recipe because I wanted to use the rest of my cherry tomatoes), chicken broth, lemon juice, olive oil and cayenne pepper. Let me know if you have any ideas on how to spice it up!

Spinach Salad with Homemade Dressing

2007-06-07T20:14:00.001-06:00

This is a yummy, but fairly basic salad. It includes: cherry tomatoes, gorgonzala cheese, white onions, garlic and spinach. However the thing I got excited about this was that we didn't have any salad dressing, and it had never before crossed my mind to make my own salad dressing until then. So for this salad, I mixed together some spices (basil, italian seasonings, and parsley) with olive oil. It was not the best, in my opinion, although Joel really liked it. But now that I have had the idea to make my own dressings, I intend to start playing with dressing recipies and eventually make great dressings. I really like Italian and Ranch, so I will try to make those first. Anyway, so I wanted to introduce you to that idea as well, try making your own salad dressing!

Tilapia, Stir Fry Veggies & Brown Rice

2007-06-07T20:04:00.001-06:00

As you might be able to notice, at my mom's house we have a variety of dishes which allow for varied pictures. This meal my mom made, it is always yummy to have fish, vegitables and rice. Of course you probably know that the fish has the good fatty acids and the brown rice is a good compex carbohydrate, and the vegitables taste great with it.

Silver Can Turn Your Skin Permanently Silver/Gray!

2007-05-01T09:34:00.000-06:00

I was reading in an alternative health book about ways to ease a sore throat and allergies (sinus problems). The book recommended some things that were helpful, but one thing that I was curious about was that it mentioned taking Silver. I thought that was strange, and I would think that Silver wasn’t good for you to ingest. So I just did some minimal internet searching on the topic of health effects of Silver. I found out that consuming too much Silver can cause irreversible skin and eye coloration, basically you will turn gray/silver colored. I was horrified at the thought that this book was encouraging me to take this, and that it is now “in style” in “health food stores” and in thinking that people were going to be taking Silver. So just in case you hear anything endorsing Silver, think again! The fact that it is irreversible is terrible! Here is one woman’s story with more detailed information if you are interested. The website also includes pictures too.

http://www.together.net/~rjstan/rose1.html

To Consume Vitamins Or Not? - Concluded

2007-04-23T13:56:00.001-06:00

I have been thinking more about vitamins (and prenatal) and whether or not I should take them. At first, I had decided not to, wanting to stick to the goal of getting my nutrients from food. Then I got some responses and opinions to that decision which encouraged me to take vitamin supplements and discouraged getting all my nutrients from foods. I read the websites suggested and listened to the point of views. I read about how difficult it would be to consume the amount I needed every single day, especially since it can be hard to want to cook every day or eat good healthy meals every day. I also read some studies saying that synthetic folic acid from a vitamin is more easily absorbed than trying to get the right amount of folic acid through my food. Additionally, my pregnant sister was mentioning pregnancy cravings, and pointed out that it might be difficult to eat all these varied and nutritious meals. Her senses seem to be heightened and some smells or foods just make her sick to be around. I, of course, will not be able to know which foods will affect me this way until the time comes.

With all this in mind, I also read some websites where some people stated their views on vitamins – that they are supplements, not the food we eat. They are an addition, not something in place of good foods. I liked this point of view, and I felt that this was in the spirit of how I had been feeling. I felt like I was being told that all I have to do is take a vitamin and that that would make me healthy enough for the baby. I was feeling that I certainly needed good natural nutrition, from food. Also that I needed to keep up with exercising. I just didn’t think a pill would solve all problems. I believed that I could take all the vitamins I wanted, but if all I ate was junk, then I am not going to get the greatest results. So at this time, I decided to take a prenatal multivitamin in order to supplement my normally nutritious eating that I have been practicing.

I wanted an organic vitamin rather than synthetic because I do not share the belief that some scientists have that a synthetic vitamin is exactly the same as a natural vitamin. I am also a little worried about synthetic vitamins being bad for me in the long run. I don’t have proof of that, so I call it a belief of mine. I just don’t trust the synthetic vitamins. So I bought an organic multivitamin, and it was 40 dollars. I looked at the many organic vitamins at two stores, and I kept having trouble. I found a website that lists the “natural” ingredient for a vitamin and the “synthetic” ingredients for the same vitamin so that I would know by the label if the vitamins were natural or synthetic. It seemed that all of the “organic” and “natural” vitamins I was looking at all had synthetic vitamins. The best one I could find is the 40 dollar one which I bought that had almost all organic vitamins, but then a few synthetic ones. I didn’t understand why I couldn’t find a totally organic or natural one. I found a website selling organic vitamins with absolutely no synthetic ingredients, and it was only 20, plus about 6 in shipping, but when I tried to read the amounts of items, such as folic acid and calcium, the numbers just seemed off. It seemed to be giving me about a million times the amount of folic acid and only about 30 (out of 1200+) mg of calcium. So I didn’t like it that I couldn’t figure that out. These complications made me stop and think again.

I took the 40 dollar vitamins back and I got to thinking things over with Joel. I felt like I was acting out of fear now, I was worried I wouldn’t be able to get the good nutrients, worried that I wouldn’t be able to digest all the nutrients from foods right, worried that the synthetic vitamins would be bad for me, worried that I need to pay a lot of money a month on vitamins just to get a good one, but worried that I couldn’t trust what was in those vitamins, worried that the vitamins might be bad for me rather than good because I just don’t think that taking a pill solves all these problems. I mean, when I think about what I know about nutrition, all of it, together, is so important. It is so important to get the whole package from a food and from mixing foods together, not just taking vitamins from a pill. I needed the fiber, I needed to use my teeth, I needed enough protein, etc… I felt like I was being scared into buying a pill, like I need it just in case. I feel like if I take the vitamins then I am trusting that it will make me healthy, but I think that is wrong.

I have gone back to the original plan, to consume all my nutrients from foods. I believe this to be the best plan because I know I am capable of making and eating many nutritious meals in a day. I have been worried about health and nutrition for many years now, and I am good about eating healthy. I have been eating every two hours now for a while, and consuming a wonderful amount of food. It isn’t that hard to get good meals, just look at some pregnancy recipe books – they have some great stuff in there! I have just bought 2 cereals about a week ago, one is a bran cereal and the other is a mixed grains with blueberry clusters. Both of them claim that in one serving, they each contain 100% of the RDA for folic acid. The folic acid is probably synthetically added into the cereal, and so every morning for about a week, it is like I have been consuming a folic acid vitamin of 800mcg. I remember learning in my nutrition class that many cereals and breads, among other foods, have been fortified with folic acid since they discovered its role in diseases and difficulties such as the neural tube defects. So I wasn’t surprised to find that I was already consuming the same as in a vitamin at breakfast. It’s the same for many other vitamins, many foods and drinks have been enriched with all kinds of vitamins and minerals. And the more natural healthy foods already have those nutrients in them. For example, I love lentils, and I bought some the other day, along with these other beans I have never heard of called Aduki, and lentils alone have 300 something mcg’s of folic acid, so the two days I ate the soup along with the cereal, I was getting 1100mcg’s of folic acid, which is more than enough. How much of it did I digest? I don’t know, but I highly doubt that my body discarded more than half of it. And that is just in the lentils and cereal, that doesn’t count the other foods that I ate, such as the broccoli in the soup and the spinach that was in my salad. So in some sense, you can rest assured that I am taking my vitamins, since they are in some of the foods and drinks that I buy already, in addition to the healthy meals I am consuming.

And it does take up a lot of time and energy to make all these meals, but that is my goal, that is something I have felt the urge to spend my time doing. I believe that I want to cultivate and provide a nutritious lifestyle for the family I am about to start, and to encourage it with the members of my family right now. I have been gathering recipes and trying more and more to learn about what is healthy and what is not. I know that Joel’s comment was in jest regarding our “arduous journey to the foreign country of Wal-Mart,” but I do think that his underlying point remains – it isn’t that impossible to get your nutrients from food when you make that your goal.

Finding My Way

2007-04-23T13:54:00.000-06:00

I have been feeling very distraught over the various perspectives that I have been considering and hearing from lately regarding pregnancy. I have felt confused and frustrated. Things have been feeling very difficult for me. I guess I have now had more time to think through a lot of things, and come to some decisions and realizations. I almost feel like this post is more for me than anyone else, but I decided to share it anyway. I am basically just realizing and accepting that I cannot know everything, cannot prove anything, and that I have different opinions than others do. I am accepting that and finding my way into pre-pregnancy. Finding the choices, lifestyles and decisions that make me feel like I am really doing the best I can do.

I have realized that a lot of us think differently and will, do and have made different decisions for ourselves. I respect that, and I have no doubt that everyone who has given me advice or opinions does it out of love and concern. In that sense, I am really lucky to have so many people to talk with and hear from and who are involved in my life. At the same time, I am the one who has to make my own decisions in my case, and I appreciate when others can respect my decisions too, even though they may be different. I want to say that I don’t think everyone has to make all the decisions I am making, but I am making these decisions for myself.

I am very concerned about the health and well being of myself and the baby I want to conceive, so I am certainly not making any decisions intentionally aiming to harm anyone. Since that is the case, I do appreciate all comments and thoughts from those who are concerned about the well being of myself and or the baby. That being said, it doesn’t mean that I am going to make all the decisions that others recommend. I’ll think things over, pray about things, and ultimately will come to my own decisions.

I also want to mention that pregnancy, just like life, is very mysterious and full of good and/or bad surprises. Anything could happen. And just because I take a multivitamin, do yoga or eat all the healthy foods in the world – I won’t be protected from things going wrong or complications. So in many ways, I am very excited and terrified. Mostly I try to do the best I can, and pray for the larger part that is out of my control to go well.

Adverse Health Effects of Chlorinated Pools

2007-04-13T23:29:00.000-06:00

I mentioned in my recent “workout” post that I wanted to consider swimming as a possible pregnancy workout, for obvious reasons such as it being a no-impact activity. I also mentioned that I had briefly read something about the chlorine in swimming pools not being safe for people and not safe for pregnant women. I believe the book I read that in was called The Complete Organic Pregnancy Guide. So I decided to do a search to look up what people have to say about that.

The first article I read said this in summary:

“Chlorine byproducts found in swimming pools are linked to higher incidences of asthma, lung damage, stillbirths, miscarriages and bladder cancer, according to credible research conducted in the U.S., Canada, Norway, Australia and Belgium.

One researcher noted that 10-year-old children spending an average of 1.8 hours per week in an indoor swimming pool environment suffered lung damage she would expect to see in an adult smoker. For conscientious swimming pools managers, the question this raises is are there viable alternatives to chlorine? Ozone and ultraviolet are the two most commonly cited technologies.

Dr. John Marshall, of the Pure Water Association, an American consumer group campaigning for safer drinking water, states: "It shows we should be paying more attention to the chemicals we put in our drinking water and we should be looking for other alternatives to chlorination. A number of safe, non-toxic options exist, such as treating water with ozone gas or ultra violet light."”

http://swimming.about.com/od/allergyandasthma/a/cl_pool_problem_3.htm

I have many fond memories of swimming in pools, and my whole family and I enjoyed swimming almost every day in the summers during my childhood. As a matter of fact I am about to go on a family vacation in May and I definitely intend on swimming in the pool and enjoying the hot tub.

But I guess that is just the problem. I certainly know what it is like to hear people say that something is bad for me, but because I have “done it all my life” then I am not worried. I mean, I guess I want to say that since I have swam so much in my life I don’t really feel worried or like it is dangerous. So it is tempting to just blow it off, like “yeah right, people think everything is unhealthy for you!” But do people think everything is unhealthy for you? And how do I know that it isn’t unhealthy for me? It seems to be that the biggest reason I don’t like accepting that it is unhealthy is just because then I couldn’t swim anymore. But why shouldn’t I up the standards in my life a little better than that?

I am not sure if I will never swim in a chlorinated pool again, but I did wonder if it was safe since it is so unsafe to drink chlorinated water. I know that my body can absorb the water even without me drinking it. And I certainly do feel irritated eyes and dry skin and hair when I swim. But I am interested in the alternatives that were mentioned on the website. And swimming in a lake and an ocean is still ok. Plus, I haven’t swam in a pool in a while, so I don’t spend a lot of time around pools anyways. So I guess I will never buy a pool (not like I will probably have the money to anyways) and I will not choose to swim in a pool on a regular (daily) basis. And if I did have enough money for a pool, I would look into alternative ways to keep it clean.

I cant help but to wonder what my life is going to look like even in a year, because at the rate I am going, with all this new health information, I can tell my life is in for some big changes. As usual, if you have any comments or thoughts about this subject, let me know. Thanks.

Could Dairy Products Be Bad For Us?

2007-04-13T01:06:00.000-06:00

I have been currently looking into sources of calcium. I came across a few websites that were stating some radical and interesting things. They discussed the idea that milk (and dairy products in general) aren't good for you. It even went so far to say that the milk products do the opposite of what we are told they do. That milk aids in causing osteoporosis rather than preventing it, and also that it contributes/causes all kinds of other terrible things. I drink milk, and always thought it was good for you, but I do try to be open-minded and open to change. So I am taking time now to consider this idea and to hear these people out.

One thing I found interesting was the fact that we milk drinkers are in the minority out of all the people on earth. And that humans – the few humans who do drink milk – are the only species to drink milk after infancy. Which means only a few of us, like Americans, drink milk that is from another species and we drink it after being an infant. I guess I always thought everyone drank milk. But now that I think of it, I guess I didn’t think that Native American and Asians drank milk. Wow, to imagine a life without dairy products is pretty different.

Now that that interesting thought has kind of sunk in, I recall that for a fairly long period of time (at least 5 years) I didn’t like milk because it kind of upset my stomach, so I only used it for cereals, and never drank it. So I guess it is possible to go without milk. Especially since there are other milks, such as soy milk, rice milk, almond milk and others. What about all the other dairy products, I wondered? I found a recipe for soy butter, so I guess that can take care of the butter. But what about cheese? Dairy products seem to be so much in my life, I am not sure what it would look like to cut them out completely.

However, I still have more researching to do. I was reading about milk being bad for me, I don’t know about cheeses. Do cheeses have antibiotics and hormones in them? Does it have all the problems milk has? If not, then I could much more easily see living a life without milk in general. Mainly because I have been convinced that organic milk is better for me, and organic milk is expensive. But then again, I haven’t checked the price for soy milk, so I am not sure if it is expensive. But then I found this machine called the Soy Milk Maker, and I am going to try to get that to make my own soy milk for cheap. It’s a lot cheaper than buying a cow, which I once considered.

Perhaps if I just cut milk, but still include cheeses, but up my wheat, fiber, healthy oils and vegetables then things will be ok.

One reason I didn’t want to consider giving up milk was because I felt like I needed more protein. In one of the websites, it mentioned that a tribe of people in South America get very little protein and calcium and they don’t have any or many cases of osteoporosis, however, Eskimos were said to consume the highest amount of protein and calcium and they have the highest prevalence of osteoporosis. It called into question whether I needed all that protein I thought I needed before. It seems I keep reading claims about incomplete proteins and how I will get so little protein if I don’t eat meat sources – all which I agreed with since I am not vegetarian – but now I am starting to question my so called knowledge. How do I know how much protein is good for me anyways? I have heard that too much protein can just convert to fat anyways. And now to add to that that it might hinder me from building or retaining bone strength. I can try to find more information and read more books about protein amounts. But I guess I could also just find out for myself with my own body. I used to think I needed somewhere around 60-70 grams of protein, but maybe I can live off of 30-45 grams. That amount wouldn’t be hard to get from non-dairy sources. I haven’t yet checked into what protein amount is recommended for pregnant women.

I just found these ideas interesting. I will paste the main links I was reading below if you are interested in reading them too. If you have any thought, opinions or ideas on the subject then let me know.

http://www.notmilk.com/kradjian.html

http://www.soystache.com/calcium.htm

http://www.peta.org/mc/factsheet_display.asp?ID=98

Pre-Pregnancy Workout & Nutrition Plan

2007-04-13T00:33:00.000-06:00

Pre-Pregnancy Workout Plan

*Lift Weights – every two days, about 30-45 minutes long, target muscles: biceps, triceps, upper & lower back, shoulders, chest.

*To avoid strain – replace ab crunches with holding a position. For example, holding yoga positions.

*Cardio – walk or rollerblade 5 times a week.

*Stretch every morning.

Pre-Pregnancy Nutrition Plan

*Consume all nutrients (including vitamins) naturally.

*Avoid supplements, antibiotics, and medications.

*Begin trying to cut out all foods that contain hydrogenated oils.

*Begin using non-bleached products (sugar and wheat)

*Begin consuming more good fats and oils (ex: omega-3)

*Begin consuming more calcium and folic acid through foods

*(I won’t begin trying to consume more iron until I do get pregnant, because I know that you can have too much iron.)

(These plans are for me. This isn’t what I am saying everyone should do, but if you want to do any of them, then great. I am just sharing my lifestyle and choices with you.)

Can I Get All The Nutrients I Need Without Supplements?

2007-04-12T23:22:00.000-06:00

I keep hearing these three main things that all pregnant women have to get: folic acid, calcium and iron. The way most people meet these requirements is usually by taking a (prenatal) multivitamin, or those just those three specific vitamins. I don’t want to take vitamins because I have been learning a lot about how the stuff in the vitamins aren’t really natural, they aren’t the real vitamin. Instead they are a synthetic vitamin.

Here is an example that I heard from a friend. She said that there have been studies published about how vitamin A can be bad for your baby and cause deformities. Pregnant women are advised not to consume too much or extra vitamin A. However, that was from a study where the pregnant women were taking vitamin A from a supplement, which was a synthetic vitamin not a natural one. The synthetic ones are supposed to mimic the real vitamins, but the problem is that there is a lot science hasn’t figured out yet. Science doesn’t know exactly how our bodies work, exactly what is involved with digestion and exactly what makes up a vitamin. So the women who consumed extra doses of the synthetic vitamin ended up having some deformities, so they wanted to advise against too much vitamin A consumption while pregnant. However, it is said that people in other countries eat foods really high in vitamin A, essentially getting 2 or 3 or more times the amount of vitamin A that we get, and they don’t have any birth defects from the vitamin A. But this is due to the fact that they are consuming natural vitamin A, not a synthetic vitamin.

I don’t trust vitamins anymore. And I am and am not the “preachy” type about living my lifestyle. All I can say is that it is so important for people to get the vitamins they need. Ever aspect of the human body and of our living has to do with what we eat. I took a nutrition class and learned all about how many diseases, problems and defects we have been able to aid by fortifying all cereals and various other foods with more B vitamins. B vitamins, probably specifically folic acid, have so much to do with pregnancy. So I think it is probably better for people to take a vitamin than to just eat all the fast food and junk food today and go without a vitamin. But for my life, I realize for me that the best thing to do is to change my entire lifestyle. It is a challenge to get all the vitamins you need, every day, by food alone – with no supplements. I am still trying to figure it all out. It takes time, skill, knowledge and patience to be able to look up all the stuff, go to the grocery store often and cook every meal. I couldn’t have done it with the lifestyle I had while in graduate school. I think if I were to have kids and a career, then I wouldn’t be able to find the time to provide for myself and family the nutrition they need. There simply wouldn’t have been enough time. But I don’t want to settle for being “practical”, to get vitamins in a pill that might be bad for me just because I feel like I don’t have time to do what is best for me. For me, I decided to make time for that. I feel like I am reordering my values. I believe that if I do that, then my life will fall into better order.

I keep having mixed feelings. On the one hand, I understand how it is hard for people to change their lifestyle, and I understand why they choose how they do. But I also feel like we have to be responsible for our lives. And it seems so obvious to me that it doesn’t take much to figure out how unhealthy we are living now. I am not a radical person, or at least I never considered myself to be. I guess I think of myself as a cautious explorer. I don’t feel like I am in a camp, I am not a radical naturalist, and I don’t feel like people who eat fast food deserve to die. I do wish that more people would change their lifestyles, though. Because I am starting to see health problems in people I love that I believe could be prevented by various do-able lifestyle changes.

Since I have a few months, I have time to work up to getting all my vitamins by foods only. If I don’t get all the prenatal amounts today, its ok. I will work on coming up with some kind of a pre-natal nutrition plan. My main focus will be trying to get all the nutrients I need from food sources only. I think it is possible. And I have a feeling that when I find out what foods I need to eat, I will probably discover that it is easier than people think. I am guessing that it is lack of knowing what we need to eat that primarily prevents us from being healthy. It's hard to figure it all out.

Be on the lookout for my upcoming post about the pre-natal nutrition plan. I hope to be able to write examples of complete meals for the day that will meet all the daily requirements. Until then, I will post a short summary of my goals or plans for working out and for eating healthy right now.

Pregnancy Workout

2007-04-12T22:59:00.000-06:00

Since I am in the position where I know that I want to begin trying to get pregnant in July, then I have about 3 months to prepare my body for it. I have two opinions about “preparing my body for pregnancy.” On the one hand, I know that everyone says there are things you need to do and not to, consume and not consume, and so on, but I wonder, isn’t that what we always need for ourselves too? I mean, I want to prepare for being pregnant, but I also think that the things I am supposed to do to prepare for being pregnant, I should already be doing anyways. Regardless, I am trying to put a list together of how to change my lifestyle. I am going to discuss exercising.

I am trying to choose a workout plan for my pregnancy. I enjoy lifting weights and had been doing that consistently for the past few months, but I was lifting weights more like guys do. By that, I mean that I was straining myself, building up, always working towards lifting more weight. I have always enjoyed building my muscles, and I wish I could lift 25 pounds with my biceps easily again (nothing really heavy, but a pretty good weight for a girl my size). But I always feel strained, and I don’t think I want to exercise like that when pregnant. So if I wanted to stick with lifting weights, should I do what seems recommended for women? That is a focus on toning more than building. I imagine that I would lift lighter weights, but use them longer. For example, instead of 2 or 3 sets of 10-12 of a heavy weight, I would lift like 5 or 10 pounds (very light) and do maybe 4 or 5 sets of 10. Or maybe just keep doing whatever motion I was doing until I felt tired or a burn. Its not so much a strain, but it strengthens. I feel like it lengthens the muscles rather than makes them bulky. So I guess I could switch to that kind of weight lifting.

But other than that, I am not sure what other workout to do. I usually like to lift weights and to do some kind of cardio. I wanted to swim, but then I got worried about the chlorine. In the first place, it bothers my hair, eyes and skin and it makes me shower more often than I want to (because I like to do cardio for at least 5 days a week). I also read about how chlorine isn’t that good for you, so that could be true. I haven’t heard enough to make me not want to swim in a pool again, but I also don’t think I want to be in a pool that much since it does irritate me. If anyone knows about why chlorine in a pool might be bad for you, then let me know.

So I might just choose going for a walk for my cardio. Usually I do something a little more involved, such as rollerblading. I would prefer to rollerblade, and I think I could for a while, but I get worried about having a fall. But it will probably primarily have to do with where I live that will determine the cardio I eventually stick with. If I live by a nice rollerblading trail, then I will choose that. And if I don’t live by anything too great, then I will just walk. But if anyone has any other ideas for a good workout for pregnant women, let me know.

One thing I hear a lot about is Yoga, but I haven’t really done it. Maybe I could try to find a place and try it out.

My Story and Purpose

2007-04-11T17:44:00.000-06:00

During the past year, I have started to make some rather weighty changes in my lifestyle. I had joined a PhD program in psychology and was on my way to becoming a therapist. However, I began to realize that I was feeling carried away in a fast torrent that controlled the direction of my life. I tried to not think about it, and just keep on going down the stream. That is, until I really looked hard at the path my life seemed to be on. I saw not being able to have time for the things I loved, such as painting, knitting and being with my family. I saw a stressful, fast-paced 6 years ahead of me in graduate school. I saw the stress never letting up as I joined an internship, wrote and defended my dissertation, and went onto the post-doc training and finally upon starting my own practice where I would have to fight with insurance companies or get paid barely enough to contribute to my family. I saw no good time to have children. I saw no possibility of breastfeeding and homeschooling. I saw no time to read up on nutrition and no time to cook. I saw not having a child until I was about 35. I saw becoming estranged from the only I would have time to have. I saw a life that would be unfulfilling. I would have money, and a career – but I wouldn’t have the life I long to have.

After seeing what I imagined my life was in for, I made a decision to stop right there. I quit, right in mid-semester. I felt like I would be carried away if I didn’t stop now. The life I now see is the life I want, and the life that I have now made possible for myself and my future husband. I see that I am getting married in July. I see us having as many kids as we possibly can – twelve would be great! I see reading about nutrition and having time to cook wonderful, whole and nutritious meals for my entire family. I see living a healthy lifestyle, with little stress. I see going for many walks. I see growing a garden. I see having a healthy birth, with the assistance of a midwife. I see homeschooling my children. I see so many possibilities open to me now. This is how I want to live, and this is now my life and journey. This is the path I am on.

Now I have time to write and think, which is why I chose to create this blog. I am spending the next few months really preparing for being a wife, being more healthy, and being a mother. I have been doing a lot of research lately on various, but related, topics regarding nutrition, health, medicine, pregnancy, raising children, giving birth, etc… I aim to post often my reflections, thoughts and findings. I have begun to realize how hard it is to come across good sources of information. I have also realized how difficult it can be to make important decisions, such as how to give birth, if I should get maternity insurance, if I should take pre-natal vitamins, etc… I am hoping that this blog will be a place where I can express my thoughts and ideas clearly. I hope that others can read what I write and find the information and thoughts useful in making their own decisions. I also look forward to getting comments, opinions, news, ideas and feedback from others so that we can mutually grow from each other.